A 10 Step Guide to Living Vicariously Through Your Child

1. Pick a sport or activity you either regret not being involved in or really sucked at.

2. Enrol your child in said sport or activity.

3. Encourage Force your child to participate in said sport or activity.

4. In the case of sports, badger your child from the sideline about their incompetence. Activity-wise, be sure to scrutinise the work of your child, beating down any degree of confidence they had in themself.

5. Privately discuss with your child the shortcomings of their coach or teacher.

6. When your child loses a game or doesn’t do well in their chosen activity (AKA your chosen activity), give them a blow-by-blow description of what they did wrong

7. When your child wins a game or does well in their activity, remind them of what they could do better next time. Never, I repeat, NEVER give praise for effort. Praise should be reserved for results, and even then used sparingly.

8. Do not allow your child to indulge in “play” during spare time. Playing softens the mind. Training creates a champion.

9. Promise your child treats* such as lollies or ice-cream if and ONLY IF they score a try/goal or do well in activity.
*Treats may be withheld for children who score a try or goal but do not win the game.

10. Remind your child that you could have been a national, if not international, champion at said sport or activity.

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