Hipster Life

I heard the other day that 85% of beards contain fecal matter. Delicious. Pass me another grass-fed, slow-cooked, pulled pork slider.

You would think this tidbit of information would at least encourage people to rethink the idea of having a beard, but alas, that is not the case.
If Ned Kelly had a beard, I’m having one too! (Not literally. I should hope that wouldn’t be possible). He’s an Australian icon! Never mind the fact that he was a lowly criminal. He was defs cool. I think we can safely assume he drank his bevvies from a mason jar.

Sometimes I wonder if fashion trends aren’t created as a joke by the social elite to see just how far people will go to strive for coolness. Surely the rat’s tail is a prime example. When did it EVER look good? On anyone? And yet, there it was, billowing in the breeze en masse. I watched on in horror as what I thought was a bit of a harmless hairstyle reached peak popularity. The effect was devastating on the male population. At long last, children of the western suburbs applauded what they always knew to be true: a real man grows a length of hair at the base of his skull, disproportionate to the rest of his hair.

Now we have entered the era of the man bun. Don’t get me started. It’s not so much that I hate the look, Lord knows I rock a bun most days, but it seems copious amounts of men feel the need to copy the style. Whatever happened to trying to find your own style? Originality is dead.

I have a vision whereby I think of something horrendous that I will employ a really popular person to showcase. I would do it myself but I’m too busy. That and I’m not sure how far my reach would go. I only have 24 followers at present.

Anyway, I endeavour to see just how people respond to atrocious outfits and styles when worn by someone high on the pecking order. I want to see just how far I can take this. We already saw men sacrificing warmth for “style” with their ankle-length tight pants in winter. What else is possible?

I’m thinking of trying to bring back stubbies (for my overseas readers, these are unsightly short shorts… And no dad, they are not currently fashionable). Or what about crimped hair? I don’t know, maybe that is cool again?

What about something that’s never been seen in the fashion world before? This task could prove rather difficult considering the things that have been considered “trendy”. Tea bags for earrings? Useful and cool. Pants with the entire shins cut out of them? Why the heck not! I’m actually racking my brain because I’m sure pretty much everything has been done before.

So, people of the world, what kind of hideous fashion trend would you like to start?
Or perhaps you could tell me what kind of hideous fashion trend you’d like to see END?

unsplash-logoKeenan Barber